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Thursday, September 02, 2004

Where is my job security? Over there, in the box

I'm worried I'm going to get fired.

It's strange - there's a corner of my mind quite anxious about it. But I've been pretty high since, oh, I guess maybe Thursday or Friday last week. So, that part of my mind acknowledges the fear, but responds to it with a kick-ass plan of response, knowing what I'll say (I'll be eloquent and at the same time make them feel 10 inches high) and what lawyer I'll call (of course one that will have this sad tale of woe on the 6 o'clock news: talented sales person defamed and misunderstood by money-grubbing old fart), even how I'll make my exit (dramatic, quite a scene).

Why am I going to get fired?

I started in January. Since then, 5 people have left, only 2 of their own volition. Each time one of the other three left, I was somehow informed about it ahead of time (yes, I knew they were getting fired before they did, that's what kind of place this is). I was privy to some higher level hush-hush conversations and had to keep mum about things for, in one case, 3 weeks before the hammer fell on his pointed head.

But now there's a bunch of these conversations happening again and I'm not part of them. I walked in on two women (one of which is my colleague who sits right in front of me) in the ladies room whispering furiously with each other and as soon as I came in, they left. My other colleague, the other outside rep for filtration, he and the current president had this deep conversation Tuesday at the end of day, and when I asked him about it, the rep denied they had spoke. The president had this deep conversation with the past president and founder of the company, a grumpy old toad who hates me.

My ass is grass.

But they can't survive without me right now. They've cut things so lean, and I've learned so much so fast, that I'm pretty much necessary. And no one knows the filtration like I do, and since that's a pet project of the president's, then it'll take a lot of convincing for me to go.

But if I am fired....

man
the floor will fall
a thousand feet
and once more I will look up into nothing
unable to scale the walls
fingernails peeling back
against cold rock
bare feet slipping
no purchase
no gain
nothing

i'm skirting the edge of a strange place


Blogger Meitar said...
Hm. I used to have an office job. Not exactly cushy but office.

I left of my own volition. Best move I ever made....

Sure hope things work out for you.  

Blogger moodymicello said...
HANG IN THERE B, YOU NEVER KNOW WHY YOU'RE NOT PRIVY TO THE CONVERSATION. DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BAD NEWS. AND BEING FIRED DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE BAD. THAT BIPOLAR GRANDIOSITY WANTS TO SAY 'I WILL QUIT FIRST" BUT THAT WOULDN'T BE IN YOUR BEST INTEREST EITHER WAY, RIGHT? STAY COOL. YOU KNOW HOW INTELLIGENT AND HOW GOOD YOU ARE. DON'T LET STUPIDITY ON SOMEONE ELSE'S PART DICTATE A BAD REACTION ON YOURS. JUST HANG IN AND HAVE ONFIDENCE IN YOUR OWN ABILITIES. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE. AFTER ALL, YOU AND ME GOT SOMETHING THEY DON;T - WE'RE BIPOLAR!  

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