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Saturday, October 09, 2004

Mommy, make it stop

I was reminded recently of something my son did when he was a toddler. It came to me while reading Dooce's blog (see the link to the right - she's really quite funny, and opinionated, basically an ex-practicing Mormon with liberal politics and a sluggish colon. You have to read to understand.)

I wrote her an email and told this story, to just let her know that all kids have their moments.

I just wanted to share a short story with you, just in case you get those who tell you that it's easier raising boys than girls, or any other such crock of shit.

My son is now 13. He has always been an early riser. Forever. I have not slept in since 1991.

When he was about 2 1/2, he came into my room and woke me, then, as a good little boy, wandered downstairs in his cotton jamma bottoms and sat in his stuffed Alladin Disney chair to watch Barney. I stumbled downstairs to mind him (I am not a morning person and therefore know that my early rising son is a form of penance I face for being mean to my mother when I was young) and found him in the chair look down.

Now, every healthy male will wake up pointing north. EVERY male. Including toddlers. So, my son was looking down at his tented thin cotton jamma bottoms and was WHACKING at this THING that was there. He was quite distressed.

Me, I'm ready to die with laughter but I'm holding it in. Poor guy is just FREAKED out.

"MOMMY!" whack whack whack
"MOMMY! MAKE IT GO AWAY" he pleaded with me.

I couldn't help chuckle. It was either that or the top of my head would've exploded.

"Adam....Adam" whack whack "honey, you have to stop doing that....that's not helping things".

"MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MOMMY!"

I leaned forward and took his hands and led him into the kitchen to get some Cheerios. "Adam, you just ignore it and it'll go away, I promise."

He looked down, doubtful that something so monstrous would ever disappear, but soon we were at the table, snarfing Cheerios and singing Barney songs (yeah, I hate Barney too, but if I had to watch my little boy whack at his penis any longer I would've spun off into hysterical laughter. I'm sure his future wife would thank me loads for laughing at his penis at such a young age). Cheerios come in handy for every household emergency.

I swear on the fact that I love my son that this story is true. I also swear that I will tell this to every serious girlfriend he ever has :-) It's my job as a mom to test those girls and make sure they can take it :-)


Blogger moodymicello said...
You have just given me the biggest belly laugh I have had in ages and brought back memories of raising the two boys of my five children. Boys are not necessarily easier, but they are funnier. Trust me on that one. Thanks for the humor.  

Blogger Seeker said...
What a wonderful story! I raised 3 sons, and your story took me back and tickled me...my middle son was the biggest challenge to potty train, and I made him go to the bathroom every hour...one Saturday afternoon I told him to go back and go pee pee...he didnt want to go but I insisted...he came out with this sad little face and said, "Mommy, My pee pee tired..." I tell all of his girlfriends this story!!! I told em paybacks were a bitch!  

Blogger Cliff said...
OK, I'm gonna hop in on the poor guys side.

That. Was. Not. Funny.

[snicker][snort][guffaw]

[sniff]

At all.  

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