These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Sunday, October 17, 2004

Where was I again?

I was so smug and self-congratulatory before, earlier in the week, and last week, and the week before. Oh, how far I've come, blah-blah-blahty-blah.

You know, if you go far enough, you go full circle.

Spent most of the weekend alone. Concentrating on jewellry. Sloooooowww process when thought is becoming difficult.

AND DON"T TELL ME TO ADJUST MY MEDS

PLEASE

I'M SICK OF THE MEDS
I'M SICK OF THE MEDS
I'M SICK OF THE WAY MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND THIS STUPID "IMBALANCE"

Imbalance.

One person gets off the seesaw when the other is high in the air. There's an imbalance for you. And what happens? The other person high in the sky comes crashing with a tailbone thumping whump on the ground, dazed and confused and shaking. That's an imbalance.

I'm such a damned suck.

I can't even get straight how I think about this. What I think. What I feel. Do I feel at all? It could all be a big charade, just some one forgot to tell me when the game ends.

Game over.

Like Pac-man. Eat or get eaten.

(*sigh*

Seroquel's kicking in. That's a surprise. It's not done shit for me lately. but suddenly I'm literally going crosseyed trying to type properly.

Perhaps sleep is best now.

goodnight



Blogger moodymicello said...
Sometimes sleep is hest. Ever try graphing your moods? Sometimes the patterns are revealing. I empathize with the way you are feeling. The one good thing is that it will change. It always does. Think of a new designn and try to regroup..we can't let Mr. B-P get us. We're too intelligent, artistic, and creative to let that happen.  

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Synergy's k here: I won't mention the meds at all! Just wondering if there is a monthly cycle going on. I feed off of my partner's cycle. I thought when I hit menopause I wouldn't have to worry about PMS but I now get hit with PMS in response to my wonderful partner's cycle. The curse of a female same-sex couple! I also wonder if there is a right-wing curse going on vis a vis the homophobia deal.

Take care.........every day is a victory.  

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