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Friday, January 28, 2005

Change in the wind

I have a job offer coming down the pipe for me shortly. It would be working for the man that hired me at a job about 6 years ago. I worked for that company for about 4 years, but left because of management/ownership changes that were painting me into a corner (to advance, I was going to need an engineering degree, something I don't have and have no intention of getting any time soon). Things went south at that company when this man (Alan) was moved to a different department. Since then, about 6 months ago, he was let go after 18 years in a political shake up. He's at a competitor now and has wooed me with thoughts of moving to his new company.

His daughter is autistic and diagnosed as clinically depressed. He understands and knows of my bipolar diagnosis and I wouldn't have to hide things as much. The only drag is the job is 4 times the distance from my house (I currently drive 12 km one way - this would be 46).

My current job is a stress powder keg. We've hired a new guy to replace my "partner" in the department who has now moved to outside sales. Because the new guy is, well, new, his learning curve is quite steep and I'm shouldering the work for two people, essentially. The deadlines don't care about that, though, and I'm sinking fast. My boss, the president of the company, is keeping an eye and is aware, but the other sales rep I support, also a part owner of the company, doesn't give a tinkers cuss about that, only about how my lateness with deadline submission affects his overall bottom dollar.

I can sense myself ramping into hypomania, and it was evident in my having difficulty falling asleep last night at my normal time. I even went downstairs and double checked three times that I did in fact take my Seroquel, which usually knocks me out within about 1/2 hr. But no. 1 1/2 hrs later I was still awake.

Tonight is Power Skating class (a class to work on hockey skating skills - a 50 minute class of intense physical activity). Hopefully this helps sweat out some of the hypomania and gets me to settle a bit. I also am aware that the anticipation of the job offer only adds to my internal machine gearing up.

Like they said in the movie Anger Management "WOOOOOsahhhhhh".....breathe in....breathe out.

Later gators

Blogger xxan said...
Blondzila, contratulations with your new job offer! Finding a boss that understands about possible mental instability, especially if he has a child with similar problems, is rare these days. Believe me, I've been there.

It's a serious advantage that, indeed, you don't have to hide things as much.

Some time ago I had a (temporary) job, where my boss too knew about my "condition" and made no problem of it. (Me, too, I had worked for him before, before my diagnoses and he probably remembered the professional, loyal job-relationship we had)

He let me the choice of telling it or not to the collegue's: I did, that is to say, in a very "simple" way. I knew there was no use in telling them in detail what I had. They wouldn't have understood the first letter of it. Anyhow, all went well that way. They were a little more tolerant towards me. So: why not?

One thing still: If I want to prevent an "upcoming" (hypo-)mania, the one thing I have to do, is SLEEP. If necessary with sleeping pill. That is, what I found out after 5 years, the only thing that can "cool me down", put me with my feet on the ground again.

For me, doing sports in a hypomanic phase, would only make me more over-energetic, over-enthousiastic, over-motivated, brains in motion, sleepless and... , and consequently, go up and up and up .... and more up;-)


Blogger Dangerous Mind said...
Congratulations on the job offer.

Think carefully about the driving distance. It can be stressful if like me you have to make it home by a certain time to pick up kids from after school care.

I do 40KM which is fine most days. But winter driving is a bitch. You just never know what to expect on the 401, and with the weather.  

Blogger moodymicello said...
B -- Glad to hear about the potential new job. It sounds like a good career move as well as a good move healthwise. That anticipation will sure get your sleep cycle out of whacck though. Try a little bit of medditation? Michele  

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