These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Tuesday, March 29, 2005


There's another benefit to the new job. Rob and I now work about a mile apart. We commute sometimes together (though not all the time because of the demands of his job: he sometimes works quite late), and today we decided to have lunch together. It's a great treat. I know some husbands and wives who do all they can NOT to spend time alone together. I had that the first marriage. It's so nice in this one to really enjoy each other's company.

We discussed, in part, the change in my medication. (I finally told Rob Saturday because of something that happened at my hockey game, something we both decided was about 90% just being legitimately pissed off and about 10% a bipolar reaction). It's been almost two full weeks now since I made the adjustment in my dosage and I've noticed definite changes. It is noticing these changes that I realise what the medications had actually been doing. A lot of it seemed to be dampening my emotions and motivations, all for the greater good and safety of all concerned of course (hmmmm).

I feel more like my old energetic self. I've gone running three days in a row, and before that I ran every other day for three days. Haven't run that much in months and the body's not that much the worse for wear. My sex drive, which unmedicated is, well, difficult for most men to deal with, has returned somewhat, though certainly not to unmedicated levels(it had been just on autopilot earlier, remembering to have sex like I remembered to take medication or balance my chequebook). I'm putting more into my jewelry. I've been baking. I feel happier. I feel. The fact that the snow's melted and my spring bulbs are starting to sprout doesn't hurt either. I also said to Rob that I don't want the medication to always deal with things for me, that I want to be able to deal with things and think things through on my own. He paused and said that I do need the medication to help me cope and not to get carried away, but he's supporting this experiment 100%. He's also made me promise that I would talk to him before doing any further unilateral changes to my medication.

Rob and I talked and he's told me he's keeping an eye, making sure that nothing gets out of hand, that, in his words, I don't reupholster the house again (just before my hospitalisation in September 2003, I spent literally thousands of dollars on upholstery fabric to reupholster two chairs and a chesterfield, and I had never upholstered anything in my life...just one of many things I did while manic).

So, so far, so good on the adjustment.

Hope all is well with you.

Blogger moodymicello said...
I am so happy for you that you have the close relationship you have. I remember having that once. Be sure to nurture it well...out of several, there was only one like that.

Please treat yourself gently, stay alert and watch yourself ever so closely while you experiment with this medication adjustment. Things have a way of sneaking up on us. At least on me...

I'm off to San Diego tomorrow for a week. Will be thinking of you. Michele  

Blogger Polar Bear said...
That's great to hear that things are coming together for you.

It's also great to see that Rob is so supportive of you.

Polar Bear  

Blogger Dreaming again said...
I'm so glad Rob is supportive of you! I also agree with him, no more unilateral decisions like that! ;)

But I am glad it seems to be working!


Blogger xxan said...
Hello Blondzila,
Just popping in to say hi. I am not able to blog so much anymore, but I haven't forgotten about you or blogger. Too much work and sometimes too depressed (I know it sounds contradictory), but I wish you all the best. I read that you're doing OK :-) Always welcome at blog or mail.  

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heya! The comments work again! I came by here the other day to say something utterly profound (don't I always!) and they just. didn't. work!

So now I don't remember what I was going to say - back then.


Nice weather for it, eh?


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