These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Checking in

Yep, I'm still around.

As for the comments about how I can do that in one day, LOL. A few things to keep in mind:

Motherhood requires energy. Ask your mom. Ask any mom.

I had always been prone to mania. The reduction in my meds has allowed a productive hypomania to creep in.

The meds also didn't just even my moods out: they reduced or eliminated my motivation. So the reduction didn't just increase my energy, it increased motivation to do things with that energy.

And yes, Michele, I was doing all that AND sleeping from 10 to 6.45. If I wasn't taking the seroquel, however, that wouldn't be the case.

How are things now?

Good. Today, I am incredibly tired. Monday night I had a bit of trouble falling asleep, even debated surfing the net for a bit while Rob snored away beside me, but then the Seroquel caught up.

He's been noticing me being a LOT more talkative. I asked him if that bothers him and he said no, because, prior to my diagnosis, it was how he always knew I was happy, in a good mood, that I was talkative. So, if I'm talkative, he says I'm happy, which makes him happy.

I have watched my money (for those few that don't know - spending money you don't have is a classic sign of mania). I have the odd urge to spend. But I'm keeping tight reins on it. I have gone onto eBay getting jewelry supplies but force myself to bid on things that only have a few minutes left so that half the time by the time I read all the details, the auction is closed. Stuff like that. And it's working: I'm not spending much at all. I'm even starting to spread out the purchases for the month of June (everyone has a month like this: Adam's birthday is the 22nd, my mom's is the 23rd, Father's Day is in there, and my father's birthday is the 30th). So I've bought a few things for Adam this pay, and will do that little by little so I'm not broke all at once. But it's not my idea - Rob gets the credit for that one.

Rob's wondering if I've tired myself by being "up" for so long.

I said no. I'm allowed to have one day of being tired, aren't I?

He said, then I'm sure you'll be fine tomorrow, right?

I said yes.

And I'm sure as hell going to work hard to make sure I am. I don't want to give him evidence that I'm anything other than tired. And I am pretty sure that's all it is. No bad thoughts. No real problems with self-image (other than those that most women my age and status carry around as baggage, mentally ill or not). But I still found the energy to work out on Rob's new weight machine for 15 minutes and then ride the stationary bike downstairs for 40 more. So I guess fatigue is relative.

Rob's gone out to watch a friend's hockey game. Adam's in the shower. Then I'm hitting the hay once Adam's out and settled.

Hope all is well with you.


Blogger moodymicello said...
Good to hear from you. Sounds like things are going well. I hope you are finding time for your writing and painting along with everything else. Wish I could dredge up some of that motivation you are feeling. it is what I am missing. It's such a big loss, you know? Michele  

Blogger Franikins said...
Thanks for the update! I am glad to read that things are progressing in a satifactory manner.

I think everybody has "tired" days. It comes with motherhood, working, and just plain old living.

As they say, "Tired happens." Or something like that.  

Blogger Dreaming again said...
just poppin in to say hey!  

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