These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Friday, May 20, 2005


The wheels have started for the second opinion. Because of a number of reasons, it can take up to six months for me to get another pdoc. Or more.

I am so very tired. Part of me wonders: depression lurking? another mixed state? or what if this is indeed related to the liver and that's the source of it.

I told the fam dr that I've avoided social events because I so hate the changes in me since taking this medication. I told him that that was not an acceptable way to be and he readily agrees.

Family dr wants me to not wait til Sept to have the next appt with the hepatologist but get it done sooner: that is the only way to resolve the issue with the medication, to know one way or the other if it is the valproic acid and then, once known, a course of action can be taken.

This is a long weekend. Victoria Day Monday. I hope I can sleep or shake off this fatigue.

Echoes of paranoia today. Whether it's from the fatigue, which lowers my guard, or whether it's part of what is behind the fatigue (i.e. depression or mixed state blooming), I don't know. But it's disconcerting. Maybe the sun this weekend will help. It's supposed to be great Saturday and Sunday.

I'm off to bed.

Blogger moodymicello said...
For heaven's sake! Yoou couldn't possibly look like that grueling creature "ugly" with the best makeup artist! But it's how you feel that couonts and I'm truly sorry you are feeling so down. I think your family doctor is wise to encourage a sooner rather than later answer to the valproic acid question. That in itself could be the cause of somoe physical reaction that is causing you to feel down. who knows? everyone here who is a doctor raise your right hand. (I couldn't if I wanted to - therapy eval showed 40% usage of my right arm). I think you are entitled to feel fatigued from arguing about this medication thing, weight thing, doctor who doesn't listen thing. After awhile you begin to tquestion your own sanity and as Rob confirmed, the small man is out of line. Try getting somoe extra rest and remember you are loved and cared about. The end of this wrangle is in sight.  

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