These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
Most recent babblings

The history of babble of the modern psychotic blonde

Warps to others, warped and otherwise
Sanity Optional
Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Three Months

Went and saw Little Napoleon, my pdoc yesterday. Next appointment is in September, which is the longest break between appointments yet, to my faulty memory. That in itself is a positive.

When I first sat down he asked how things were and I told him they were fine. Then he said, "Didn't you just get a lithium level test done?" I just took a deep breath and said "I don't take lithium".

Am I the only person whose doctor can't even remember what medications he prescribes? I am still on the waiting list for a referral to a second opinion but it'll take a while. At least I know a change is in the wind, even if the wind is on another continent right now.

The results of my most recent blood tests weren't there. He's going to see if he can find them. Awfully nice of him. Oh, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him. Nah, sure I should. It's fun.

From a different perspective:

In the doctor's office while I was waiting (he is NEVER on time), a young man (maybe early 20s) and his mother were there. They were arguing. Apparently he had opened her mail and brought some documents with him to show the doctor. The mother was furious, saying opening someone else's mail was illegal, which it is. She was very upset and rambled quite a bit. She wanted to know how he had the authority to open her mail and he said he was told to. She wanted to know by whom and the young man kept saying, "Mom, we'll talk about this with the doctor". He obviously didn't want the entire waiting room (me) knowing his family's current problems. But the mother kept going. He was trying to be so patient and my heart went out to him.

No matter how much difficulty I have some days, I honestly don't think I put Rob through that. I know I'm difficult some days, non-communicative or quite short tempered, but I will listen to him when he says hey, cool it a second, or please talk to me.

As the doctor asked me about my moods, my appetite, my sleep, my thought patterns etc, I told him that being bipolar I always have some fluctuations, but that nothing was unmanageable. "So nothing extreme?" he asked.


My life is not extreme anymore. Like I said below in the post about my hockey game two weeks ago, I do miss some of the extreme sometimes, but thinking about that young man and his mom, I will gladly give up the extreme the way I have in order to keep my family together and happy.

Rob and I went out for lunch today. I told him about the mother and son in the waiting room and said thank goodness I've never put him through anything like that. He looked at me over the top of his glasses and said, "Well, the specifics are different, but if you consider that the son was having trials and tribulations with his mother, then yes, there are definitely some trials and tribulations I have to deal with, with you." When I protested that I wasn't that bad, he very clearly said "What did I just say? I said the details are different but the trials and tribulations are there." When he dropped me off back at work, I said well, at least I'm not that BAD, anyway. And he said no, no you're not. So yes, I'm still bipolar. And I guess I do things I'm not aware of, after all. But I trust Rob and will do my best to minimize those distressing times for him.

Blogger moodymicello said...
Hell yes, you should expect more and be hard on the little pipsqueak! He is, afterall supposed to be the expert and he can't even cast a glance in the folder and check your meds before entering the room? Nah...he deserves the best you can berate him. He really shoudn't be working with people, ya know?

I'm pulling for your second opinion and a switch to a new doc...there is a big Catholic Hail Mary being said for you daily. I'm glad that you have semi stabilized with what you are on but I know you must have in the back of your mind the concerns re the liver and valproic acid and other possible meds which don't cause weight gain. I'm going to hold on to hope that you get a new doc wwho is more up to date on theh possibilities that are out there. Meantime, take care of yourself -- you probably have more sense that the little Napoleon. Too bad you can't prescribe for yourself! Michele  

Blogger synergy said...
It's good to hear from you, since you haven't had time to post recently.

As for the trials and tribulations, Rob may worry about you, when you don't know it. As I have been blogging about K, I have a serious low level anxiety issue when I know that she's struggling. It's also difficult for me to tell her when things are bad, as that means she isn't doing well either. Rob is probably feeling stress that he doesn't necessarily share, as he doesn't want to upset you or make you feel guilty about the situation, That doesn't mean that you are extreme or bad, but rather that the disease of bipolar has an impact on everyone around you.

Please, don't take offense at the above statement, but think about it from the standpoint of a caretaker, who worries about the person they love.


Blogger Cliff said...
Hey girl :)

We forget sometimes that we have one or two pdocs, and they have hundreds of patients. Mine is a wonderful doc, but he can't remember my meds all the time either.

Of course, sometimes I have trouble with FAMILY MEMBERS names, so I can't really blame him.

And three months till next time? Way to go! I never get more than three weeks!  

Post a Comment

links to this post

Copyright © 2005 Blondzila (because no one else would own this).

Powered by Blogger

Powered for Blogger by Blogger templates