These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Thursday, July 14, 2005
The Argo game was great. And I actually went out that afternoon to the Reitman's up the street from us and bought a pair of linen capris and a khaki skort and a couple of nice tops and felt quite good about it when we went to the Sight Lines restaurant. The service at the restaurant was atrocious, the food was decent and the game was good. I guess it all balances out. Thanks for the supportive posts.

I've realised that I haven't been filling up my dosette with the week's allotment of the various little multicoloured pills I take. And as a result, I truly believe I've been forgetting a number of doses. Once I started filling it again and taking the meds consistently, my moods have been better and things are more consistent.

I've actually even had a few late nights (due to hockey) and some early mornings (due to my self-imposed new running schedule) and I'm (so far) not feeling any serious ill effects.

I wonder how much of the missing of the meds was a subconscious attempt to once again escape their hold. No person I know that is affected by BP likes to take their meds. Not only do they have their fun side effects, but they are a daily reminder of what we are versus what we used to be.

In any event, this week's been good so far. I've decided to take the day off work tomorrow and Adam and I are going to Wasaga Beach. It's a beautiful beach along Georgian Bay with great sand and a long walk out into cool water. A great place to beat the heat here.

I should take this moment to explain the heat. Some people have this image of Canada as a country filled with sled dogs, igloos and hockey playing beer drinkers. Okay, we are hockey playing beer drinkers, but while our winters are cold and long, our summers, especially in Southern Ontario where I live, are hot and humid. Case in point: two days ago we beat a record for temperature here, not adjusted for the humidity, of 36 C. That's roughly 97 F. But because there is so much water here (you can't drive more than about half an hour to an hour in any one direction here before crossing a river or coming to a lake), the heat is always intensely humid. So, they have the Humidex rating that incorporates that into the weather, giving a sense of what the heat impact truly is. So, today, we are expected to see 35 C (approximately 95 F) but with the humidity it may be more like 43 C (109F). We are hotter than Miami and Los Angeles, and that's even before the humidity factor.

So, long story short (too late) tomorrow Adam and I will drive the 1 1/2 hrs to the great Canadian summer Mecca of Wasaga Beach, try and drown each other for a few hours, come back burnt to a crisp in the scorching sun and all in all have a great time beating the heat.

I'll let you know how it goes.


Blogger moodymicello said...
Hope you had a fun day at the beach. Your weather sounds like Houston. 97-99 F and 97 degrees humidity! We're right off the Gulf of Mexico and not too far from a lake and a major river here in Kingwood. So I understand what you are saying. Enjoy your time with Adam. He will be grown and gone before you can dance a round twice.

Glad you caught yourself on the dosette...one of my favorite places to fall off the wagon..I'm currently taking my pills out of the bottles; it's always less reliable that way - like gambling really. I just get weary of the work of filling the damn dosette. How's that for the height of laziness? Psycho I sometimes think. But I know it is laziness.

andd, finally, poor service, that is becoming the norm unfortunately..it is going out the door along with respect, consideration, kindness and general manners. Tis a shame. Michele  

Blogger Candice said...
Hey, I'm BP and I like to take my meds! I remember too well what it was like being manic and so depressed I was in hell. For me, being manic always ends in being depressed. I always crash eventually, and that feels so bad it isn't worth it. So I'm not tempted to avoid the meds. I know a lot of BP's are.

I have a couple of blogs that might interest you. One of them is called The Psychiatrists (http://thepsychiatrists.blogspot.com)

The other is my main blog (http://yankeedaddy.blogspot.com/)  

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Keep in mind. It's not who you are vs. who you used to be.

It's who you are vs. who you WANT to be.

You are a person who has BP.

The meds are just a vehicle.

-Banjk  

Blogger moodymicello said...
Banjk makes a good point If you do not like the person you are, then the vehicle (meds) is probably not right. Your meds should make you a person who can function efficiently and intelligently, intellectually and creatively in the stress of the everyday life you lead. The meds plus a somewhat structured life style. You should be able to have
goals for who you want to be and
to reach them. that's why it's so important to have a good pdoc who really KNOWS ALL THE MEDS OUT THERE INCLUDING THE WEIGHT RAMIFICATIONS AND THE EFFECTS THEY HAVE ON A WOMAM. I so wish you had a Dr. Burden - a neuropsychologist that you could trust to help you in the mindset and coping skills department. She has been 50% of my healing. But once burned, I understand. I never did care for male psychologists and not for anything less than a specialist in bipolar and neurological disorders. Michele  

Blogger moodymicello said...
Banjk makes a good point If you do not like the person you are, then the vehicle (meds) is probably not right. Your meds should make you a person who can function efficiently and intelligently, intellectually and creatively in the stress of the everyday life you lead. The meds plus a somewhat structured life style. You should be able to have
goals for who you want to be and
to reach them. that's why it's so important to have a good pdoc who really KNOWS ALL THE MEDS OUT THERE INCLUDING THE WEIGHT RAMIFICATIONS AND THE EFFECTS THEY HAVE ON A WOMAM. I so wish you had a Dr. Burden - a neuropsychologist that you could trust to help you in the mindset and coping skills department. She has been 50% of my healing. But once burned, I understand. I never did care for male psychologists and not for anything less than a specialist in bipolar and neurological disorders. Michele  

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