These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Monday, August 29, 2005


Rob and I had lunch together today, which is good. It's so nice working so close together (we're about a mile apart or less).

I was really nasty this morning. I lost my patience with one of our sales reps and banged the phone on my desk like a hammer. The other two women in the office looked at me a bit strange and I said "I have zero patience today, can you tell?" The other woman made a bit of a face and then said, uh yes. She probably thinks I'm nuts. Got news for her. I am.

I said to Rob at lunch today that sometimes I wonder if all the times in the past two years since diagnosis when things were relatively calm had jack shit to do with the efficacy of the medication and were just lulls in the bipolar spectrum, things not going *as* far. He said: "I've said it before a hundred times and I'll say it a hundred more: the whole thing is part of the cycle with you. "

I said "yes, but if the medication was doing its supposed job, I shouldn't be going like this".

He said "the medication keeps the swings further apart, it doesn't eliminate them. Wait and see what happens with this new doctor [who I see in a week]."

I didn't want to argue with him. I don't agree that the function of the medication is to keep the swings further apart. I take a fucking mood stabilizer. Therefore they should be stable. They aren't, or at least haven't been for the past month.


Blogger Gigglezngrinz said...
Ive never been on a mood stabiizer long enough for it to do anything but numb my tongue and make me feel retarded. Hold out for the new doctor.  

Blogger Van! said...

Blogger moodymicello said...
I agee that with the right mood stabilizer things so rather placidly along. You'll find the smile for your face and enjoyment in being alive.. Embrace the fact that you are different because it makes you unique and teresting, Come and belive with me. for life has many adventures.. michele  

Blogger Franikins said...
this is totally off topic...

But I just saw your flickr pictures and think you look mahr-vel-ous! You are quite the looker! And you play hawkey to boot! What a winning combination!!  

Blogger blondzila said...
awww shucks...  

Blogger synergy said...
I'm not sure about a mood stabilizer, but lithium only constrains the mood swings. K's psychiatrist explained it to us and over time lithium brings the mood swings closer and closer to the normal line. However, it certainly doesn't prevent them. Is it possible that your mood stabilizer is doing that type of thing?

Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. Hopefully, the new doctor will have something useful to add.


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