These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Sanity Optional
Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Still Running on High Octane

Well, since I can't fill up with the high test (bloody stuff's near $1.00 a litre now) it's a good thing that my body is running on its own high grade fuel.

Mind's still sharp, attention's been good, I've closed some deals at work that a few weeks back when I was grim I was terrified to even pick up the phone, I've also found I'm talking far too much but I can't help it. My old boss that hired me is on two weeks vacation and I find he's a centring/grounding force at work the way Rob is at home. But things are still fun and I'm enjoying the time.

Adam's baseball team got knocked out of the playoffs tonight. His coach is a woman and a complete moron. Adam's been at summer day camp all week, a prerequisite for the counsellor in training he wants to do next summer, which in itself is a prerequisite for getting a summer job there as a counsellor. So he's been out in the hot weather all day at camp, then has to walk home to meet me to change quick and I swing by on the way home from work and drive him across the city to the game, gulping down a sandwich or something along the way. His bus drops him off from camp at 5:15 and it's a mile from home, and the game is at 6 pm sharp on the other side of the city. It's so difficult to make it. Plus, he's exhausted. So he asked the coach tonight when we'd play next if we won tonight. She said same field, same time, tomorrow. Adam said, well, you do realise that I have camp again tomorrow. And she said If you don't want to come, don't come. What a great motivational thing for a coach to say.

The playoff format is double knockout: you lose two games and you're gone. They lost their first game but won the subsequent two. Tonight was the third game in four days and because the coach wouldn't let anyone other than two specific boys pitch, their arms were sore and the wheels fell off the game in the last inning because the boy just didn't have anything left. It's not his fault. So no more baseball. I told Adam that if he wanted to sign up next year that'd be fine but I'd request specifically not to have that coaching team (her husband is an assistant because they can't stand him as the real coach, he's so brutal to the kids). He said he loves baseball but these doofuses (peckerheads he called them) have soured it for him. Now that's sad.

Truth be told, Adam's glad it's over. He said next year he'd rather play football. He's better suited for that, honestly, given his size. But let's see what happens. He starts high school in four weeks and that opens up a WHOLE new world.

I played in my Wednesday night hockey league tonight. We're in the playoffs as well. We won and are 4-0, so are guaranteed a spot in the finals. There was a time where I was feeling a little paranoid about things that happened on the bench, but then one of the players told me I was doing a good job and I was all bright and sunny. What a pavolovian twit I am sometimes. Adam and Rob were there for the last part of it (a bit of overlap from Adam's baseball game to my hockey game) and both said that I was skating really fast (for me, that is). I actually felt a bit slow tonight so that shows you perception differences. Maybe the hypomania is making me want to be faster and I'm faster but don't realise it. Oh, whatever. I'm just having fun with the game tonight.

Rob's in bed wondering where I am. I'm not tired yet. Another sign of the hypomania, but I'm having fun so don't deny me my fun!!!!!!

Good night.

Blogger moodymicello said...
I've often thougoht it was too bad we couldn't figure a way to put the energy we generate when hypomanic into those gas guzzlers...although I take it light on the oil companiesk one of them pays my retirement and for all my meds, insurance, etc. haha.
You sound like you're driving with the wheels off the ground. But you're aware of it. Just remember when you're talking tooo much at work to catch yourself. I am actually doing a little better I think the added provigil is working a bit but I think it needs to be bumped up by another 100 mg. I'm going to call his office tomorrow and suggest it. I'm most of the time awake now but still not real alert. Definitely more energy when I am up and doing something. Just when I sit down... I get real dull. So, I think it's working -- just not enough of it.. I feel more like myself but I'm not there yet. You go - you've got enough for two of us.  

Blogger distantvoices said...
At least your energy is driving positive stuff,make the most of it and enjoy the fun.

Is Canadian football 'soccer' or NFL?  

Blogger Gigglezngrinz said...
Oh if we could only bottle that energy (especially when we are using it constructively)and fuel ourselves with it when we hit the crapper.....or make a million. I'm glad to see you are feeling so positive and refreshed...its nice to have the reminder that it's not always the pits.  

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Blogger The Seriously Ill said...
Isn't that nice when you get spammed in the comments of blogs? Anyway, I know how you are feeling rigth now because I have been feeling the same way. I had this great idea last night to walk across the country, from North Carolina to California and blog along the way to raise money and awareness for mental illness. I was going to call it the slogging and blogging tour. I was about five minutes away from putting on my shoes and heading out the door. Then the seroquil hit me and I went to sleep. Some good came out of it though, I saw my p-doc today and because I have been so crazy lately and last time I was totally depressed, she has seen me cycle very quickly. As a result, she wrote that I need to be out of work for 1-2 years which is exactly what I need to get a lwwyter to handle my disability appeal so I cam have some incomoe and move on in my life. Just be careful when you are manic. I have been afraid to leave the house for fear that I may do something that will hurt me, someone else or get me arrested. To Distant Voices Canadian footbal (CFL) is like NFL football with a couple of rules changes: There are only three down instead of four, and there is a center line between the fifty yard lines making the field 10 yards longer. Needless to say, there is less scoring in CFL games.  

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