There is an odd tension inside me today.

I want to go home.

I want to cry.

I want to curl up and avoid everyone.

My job requires me to be on the phone all day. My mind is telling me not to speak for fear of giving myself away, bit by bit. They'll see what a shallow, hollow husk I am.

Needless to say, I've had better days.

I've been getting my sleep. Really I have. I don't know where this is coming from. But I'd like it to go away now. Please.

¶ 9:45 AM

 moodymicello said...
I'm so sorry you are having an episode like thisl Are you coming down from a time when you could do everything well; everything was going fine...you may have been what others see as manic but is normal for us. I am convinced that our intelligence and metabolism and motivaation are different that "normal" people. At any rrate, you are not shallow, you are a beautiful person and quie intelligent and talented. It's just the bp talking. Don't listen or at least argue back. I'will be thinking about you. Let me know if I can do anything. m  

 Squid Vicious said...
Sorry, my bad. I'll turn the channel. How's that?

Tomorrow will be a better day.  

 broke said...
Hope you're feeling better today, blondzila. Days like this are really rough. Even if something inside you says it won't go on forever it's very hard to believe it.
Take care of yourself
B  

 Pk (dreaming again) said...
Hey girl, just dropping in to say hi. My computer is still on the fritz at home and I'm still checking on things in the library which usually means just enough time to check my email.
Today, I decided to do blogging checks instead.

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. :( Hope today is better than Friday!!!!!

I've had some rough stuff from childhood crop up lately ... not so much things I'd forgotten but things I didn't realize were what they were (that probably makes no sense whatsoever) anyway ... suddenly all my 'issues' leading to my eating disorder, depression etc are starting to make more and more sense ... :( crawling into a hole is my preferred choice of coping but my therapist disagree's ....

miss you!!!
Hope things smooth out for you ...thinking about you!!!  

 ombren said...
i could have written the exact same thing, only today. hugs, blondzila--you're certainly not alone in that hole. i'm not sure where you're at currently--but just reading this helped. thank you.  

 dan said...
That's why I had to run from the "on the phone 24/7" job I used to have. I like talking to people, but the phone drove me completely nuts after awhile.

Which is a statement because I'm already crackers.

I believe in you.  

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