These are my thoughts. They are not meant to make sense. They are my echo into the woods. I am the tree that falls, and it is here that I make a sound.
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Monday, November 28, 2005

Short one

I want to close my blog.

Rob is making it very clear to me that he wants me to keep it going. He said that he knows what it would do to me to lose this outlet, even though I can't rely on it the way I thought I could.

So.

I have choices to make.

If I'm not here for a while, don't worry. If the blog closes, please don't worry. It just may morph into a different one, using a different name, and a different nick.

I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is that I'm incredibly sad, scared and feel paralysed by fear and paranoia.

I just have to tell myself this too shall pass.


Blogger BipolarPrincess said...
Don't stop! This is the best outlet, you have a world of people who empathize with you. Change your blog if you have to, just don't give up!  

Blogger Manica said...
Close it if it is no longer serving a healthy purpose for you.

I understand if you feel the need. Please send me the address when you open a new open.  

Blogger dan said...
Just remember everyone is here for you, no matter what direction you take. That won't change, no matter how your blog may...  

Blogger moodymicello said...
Blondzila, your blog and writing seem such a good outlet for you; there are many of us who not only empathize with you but enjoy your intelligence, candor, and quick wit. If you must, change it to another name, but don't stop. If you change, please let me know where you are. m  

Blogger Coach Rob said...
Hello world. This is (as Blondie puts it in her list of blogs to visit), the love of her life here.

I thought I'd come in for a minute or so, and say hello, as well as dispense some words of wisdom/comic relief/observation from someone who is involved with a bipolar person (sounds clinical, eh?).
It's not easy. I don't read blondie's blog because I live it every day. I don't, quite frankly need to read about it. But, I do know that doing this blog has provided her with a wealth of information, therapy and outlet for what goes on in her head. She has forged some rather cool relationships via the internet because of this blog. And that, as Martha would say, is a damn good thing. In my many years of life experience, the one thing I have learned in terms of dealing with any shit, is to communicate. This is a form of communication,and has been a damn good one for Blondie to use.
As all of you are aware, in the bipolar world,there are ups and downs. She's been going through some downs this past weekend because of some stuff she posted here a while back with reference to her sisters. A lot of communication between the three has, I trust, smoothed things over. Awareness of the condition is a big hurdle to overcome when dealing in the bipolar world. Blondie is now the teacher, showing the sisters the way to deal with this whole adventure. I advised that, bipolar or not, sharpen the little voice in her head before she posts any family stuff. Run it by me if necesary, just in case. This too shall pass.

I have a theory ( few actually) about life. We live in a world of balances. Rich/poor, strong/weak, good days/bad etc. Everything has a way of working out. And it will.

How do I deal with Blondie when she's BPing you ask? Do I coddle her? Hell no! I was raised by a German Army Staff Sargent. Some of that rubbed off on me. I don't take any shit, and I call her on everything she say's/does. Communication-works very well.

In closing this rather long (for me) comment, I just want to say thanks to all of you out there who communicate with my lovely wife (the Hockey star). She speaks very fondly of all of you (boy does she ever, especially when she's manic!, good thing I'm half deak in one ear). Your contributions to her blog,and indeed her life have been welcomed and appreciated, so keep it up! She is NOT going to close this blog, but perhaps take a rest, or rethink, or reshape things a bit.

Now, for a bit of self promotion, feel free to check out my blog, themed to coaching hockey, primarily women's hockey. It's not nearly as cerebral as Blondie's blog, but then again, neither am I. Thanks again.

Till next time.......  

Blogger blondzila said...
Oh man I love you. You're making me cry.  

Blogger synergy said...
Sorry to hear about the rough times. I am in complete agreement with Rob about the theraputic nature of your blog. At times, I wish that K had an outlet for her feelings. Just expressing them is better than letting them swirl around and around.

Also, your insight and support into my situation has been great. Knowing that you are out there and able to sympathize. Reading your thoughts gives me greater understanding of K's situation.

You'll be missed if you stop writing. That's clear from the comments.

I hope things improve.

L  

Blogger BipolarPrincess said...
Blondzila-Congrats on your quote in the article on the Daily News (?), I posted about it. Do what's best for you, but realize that you are part of a support system. Even if you close your blog, keep visiting others', it will still be therapeutic.

:* Princess  

Blogger Gigglezngrinz said...
I suffer from a sharp tongue and say hurtful things as well. I use my blog to vent. I guess if my family read my posts about them they would be hurt, and that certainly was not ever my intention. My intention was soley to vent my thoughts, organize them. They are simply thoughts and feelings in the moment...not always a reflection of how I feel as I love them all, the potheads, the lazy bastards, and the codependents. I accept their faults and they accept mine. Forgiveness is a hallmark of love once the sting has worn off a bit. They love you, let them. And if you need to vent about them, dont give them your blog address. : )  

Blogger Squid Vicious said...
If you go then I'll have to edit my blog and remove the link to your blog. Your actions would impact my blog as well. Geez, think of someone else besides yourself.

All seriousness aside, if you leave, I may never know any more about the goings on inside the women's bathroom of a hockey rink in Canada. Now is that fair to me? Think about the children. The kids...do it for the kids...

But most of all, do it for yourself.

In Thorazine we trust,
Squid  

Blogger sansanity said...
ok damn squid vicious is hilarious. well selfishly i don't want you to go. you are famous now--i read the article too!

i've been feeling like maybe i sabotage myself by giving up on things that seem to help (like taking my meds) i hope you won't give up writing, more for you than for my own selfish needs.  

Blogger BiPolar Guy said...
Hey Blondzila - saw your mention in the New York Times article. Your blog is famous!! Don't stop.

PS If you ever do shut (which I've already toldya is crazy) please leave a forwarding address on here so we can track you down.  

Blogger PowerProf said...
I find blogging to be a very important, helpful outlet. Please stick around -- I also find it helpful to know that I'm not alone in this  

Anonymous Pam said...
I have had this condition (diagnosed) for 18 years.
(I was diagnosed very young:))

Recently some drs said my case of it may be nominal 'if at all'..then it's there-who knows..

I don't follow this blog and just came upon it tonight.

The biggest part of my support system is God/my faith and a great Husband too.

It is clear you have that someone who stands not just behind you but beside you.

Please don't be too hard on yourself for making mistakes in words or deeds with people or those you think well of.

I did this last year with someone I wanted to befriend.(It ended with them totally blowing me off, but saying they forgave me via an email, but basically banning my comments half the time on their blog..And from what I could glean, my being socially ostracized by their "crowd", a crowd I felt might be important to me..)

That part doesnt seem so great, but my point IS take strength in the important people who are around you who value and love you and see your worth.

It is wonderful you have feelings for the pain of others and your family, it means you have a conscience and makes ou considerate!

None of us is perfect, and forgiving is always the best thing in God's economy, even if for some things that may take, for some, forever.

This is just an anonynous sharing of encouragement and sympathy.

This condition can be a mixed blessing for sure.

But if we have some fire with this gift, some sharp inspiration amidst the pain and sensitive confusion, and the overtaxed conscience about smaller things, use that gift to heal you and balance out that weight.

Sorry if this was longish.

I'm the sympathetic type too.

But I have also been on the other side of hurting others and then feeling quite down and lef tout and misunderstood..

You will probably get another chance with your sisters though..

I will pray that you do.
Just some thoughts.

Peace

Pam

W&P  

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